Motivation is essential for achieving your goals. Add humor, and you have the best combination. Read funny inspirational quotes for a good laugh.
Inspiration is the key to progress, decisions, and well-being. There are many reasons for inspiration, as it benefits all aspects of your life. You can have health, personal, spiritual, and financial goals.
When learning about ways to achieve your goals, inspiration improves your knowledge. Whether you need a boost or a reminder to keep going, read the following inspirational quotes. They’re also funny, so you’ll get a good laugh from them.
Hilarious inspirational quotes
1. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” -Mark Twain
2. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” -Kyle Chandler
3. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” -Dave Barry
4. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” -Jack London
5. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.” -Josh Billings
6. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” -Lisa Lieberman-Wang
7. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” -Reba McEntire
8. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” -Dale Carnegie
9. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” -Daniel J. Boorstin
10. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” -Ron White
11. “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. “Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.” -Christopher Morley
13. “Get action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster.” -Theodore Roosevelt
14. “Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours.” -Doug Larson
15. “The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” -Bill Copeland
16. “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” -George Will
17. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -Bernard M. Baruch
18. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” -Will Rogers
19. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar
20. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” -A. A. Milne
21. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” -Sam Levenson
22. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” -Eugene Bell Jr.
23. “It’s always too early to quit.” -Norman Vincent Peale
24. “You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.” -Tina Fey
25. “A peaco*ck that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” -Dolly Parton
26. “Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” -Charles Dickens
27. “Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.” -Mel Brooks
28. “Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” -Dr. Seuss
29. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” -Frank Zappa
30. “If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.” -Steve Maraboli
31. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” -Jeffrey Gitomer
32. “Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” -John Wayne
33. “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” -E. F. Schumacher
34. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” -Ann Bradford
35. “Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” -Steven Wright
36. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” -Rita Mae Brown
37. “Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” -Unknown
38. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” -Claude McDonald
39. “Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” -Elbert Hubbard
40. “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” -Mark Twain
41. “Change before you have to.” -Jack Welch
42. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” -Will Rogers
43. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” -Bill Murray
44. “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” -Michael Altshuler
45. “Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up.” -Allen Klein
46. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” -Oscar Wilde
47. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” -Cathy Guiswite
48. “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” -Theodore Roosevelt
49. “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” -George Bernard Shaw
50. “When someone says you can’t do it. Do it twice and take pictures.” -Unknown
51. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” -Steven Wright
52. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” -Truman Capote
53. “To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.” -Thomas A. Edison
54. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” -W. C. Fields
55. “Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.” -Earl Wilson
56. “You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond!” -Eric Thomas
57. “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” -Ed Helms
58. “Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” -Robert A. Cook
59. “The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” -Arnold H. Glasow
60. “The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” -Paul Valery
61. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” -Ellen DeGeneres
62. “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” -Bill Gates
63. “Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese.” -Billie Burke
64. “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” -Abraham Lincoln
65. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” -Robert Bresson
66. “When something goes wrong in your life just yell ‘PLOT TWIST’, and move on.” -Molly Weis
67. “Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.” -Richard Bach
68. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” -Erma Bombeck
69. “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” -Malcolm Muggeridge
70. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” -Thomas Edison
71. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” -Jason Love
72. “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” -Gordon B. Hinckley
73. “If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” -Jim Rohn
74. “Be thine own palace, or the world’s thy jail.” -John Donne
75. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” -Robert Benchly
76. “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” -Salvador Dali
77. “Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.” -Karen Horney
78. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” -Robin Williams
79. “I only hope that we don’t lose sight of one thing – that it was all started by a mouse.” -Walt Disney
80. “The wise does at once what the fool does at last.” -Baltasar Gracian
81. “Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.” -Alfred A. Montapert
82. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” -Voltaire
83. “I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” -Benjamin Franklin
84. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” -Abraham Lincoln
85. “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” -Bill Copeland
86. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.” -Denis Waitley
87. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” -Jeffree Star
88. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” -Elbert Hubbard
89. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” -W. H. Auden
90. “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” -Langston Coleman
91. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” -Louis Agassiz
92. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” -Terry Pratchett
93. “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” -George Carlin
94. “Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” -Tom Lehrer
95. “f you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” -Marie Osmond
96. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” -Charles M. Schulz
97. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” -Betty Reese
98. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” -Maureen Dowd
99. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” -Robert Bloch
100. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” -Joe Girard
101. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” -Yogi Berra
102. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” -Groucho Marx
103. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” -Lily Tomlin
Related: Funny New York Jokes to Make You Laugh
Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.
